Absolution (Helena)

[Felicia Soler]

So I'll love whatever you become
And forget that reckless thing we 've done
I think our lives have just begun
I think our lives have just begun

Manalapan, Florida
1500 Ocean Drive[/ur]

“God, this is so unfair!” She hadn't sounded that much like a child in years. Much to her disbelief, her mother had shown up uninvited at their doorstep during a rather intense argument, and had ordered the two of them out of the house. There was a large black Cadillac waiting for them. In the chaos that had ensued earlier in the evening, her mother had quite literally packed both of their bags with the admonition that they had better sort out their issues within the next two weeks.

“You're taking an extended leave of absence to get your shit together. And you as well,” she informed Helena. “The two of you obviously need to spend some alone time together to figure out how to be grown ass adults. Jet's already at the airfield waiting.” She'd chartered a flight for the couple to stay at her estate on Florida's coast, and hoped that the change in weather and scenery would do them some good.

Felicia had left her with a few memorable curses in various languages as well as some very distinct hand gestures she would have found offensive coming from someone else. Nevertheless, Khalidah remained on the front porch, watching as the angry couple were shown into the backseat by the chaffeur. She'd confiscated both of their cellphones and their electronics; they could use the phones and the laptops at the estate if they needed to.

“God, fuck my mother. Fucking honestly.” She punched the bulletproof barrier separating the front seat from the back and continued punching it until her knuckles were bruised and bloody. Only then did she notice the quiet woman sitting across from her. “And fuck you too. God. Why are you so damn jealous all the time? It's just sex! It's not like I'm gonna fuck someone and be like, 'Oh, by the way, wife and children whom I dearly love, I'm running off with what's his or her name now.'” Hadn't they already worked through this shit?

She threw herself back in her seat and watched as her knuckles healed, remaining silent for the rest of the ride to the airfield not too far from their property. Once they reached the hangar and the door was opened, she flew out of it in a rush and glared spitefully at the plane. She stomped up the stairs and into the cabin, ignoring the well wishes and greetings from the crew. Felicia sat down in one of the private jet's handful of seats and strapped herself in. After Helena had made her way onto the flight, their bags were stowed and they were on their way.

All the rage that she'd been feeling was exhausting. Although she didn't want to, her body was rebelling against her and forcing her to sleep. The next time she awoke, it was to one of the flight attendant's gently shaking her awake. She came to with a start and took several moments to get her bearings. The plane had stopped moving, and Helena was no longer in the seat in front of her. Unlocking her seatbelt, she ran a hand through her hair and stood up. “Where—”

“Your wife is in the car waiting.” The attendant escorted her out of the plane and opened the passenger's side door for her. Felicia sighed and stepped into the car, albeit very begrudgingly. They said nothing to each other for the ride to the opulent seaside mansion. Felicia inhaled the fresh air deep into her lungs and tasted the salt on her tongue.

Roughly ten minutes later, they arrived at the estate, which remained fully staffed during the year. They were greeted at the car by two butlers who took their luggage and graciously led them into the marble-lined foyer to the elevators which would take them to the appropriate floor. It had been several years since Felicia had been to this particular property and would take her a little while to remember its exact layout.

“I've taken the time to set up the outdoor spa for you and your wife.” He gestured towards the balcony they could see through the penthouse's glass walls. The allowed a lot of light into the space, but left something to be desired in terms of privacy. She followed the butler through the maze of wide hallways to the large floor to ceiling sliding glass doors which gave entry to the extensive patio. In the distance, she could hear the bubbling of the jacuzzi and could nearly feel the warmth of it on her skin. By the time they were walking up the half-dozen stairs into the outdoor spa, she'd already worked her way out of her pants and tossed them onto one of the beds. “Thank you, Evan. That will be all.”

There was an open bottle of red wine breathing at the edge of the jacuzzi flanked by two wine glasses. Stripping out of the rest of her clothes, she stepped into the warm water and moaned, temporarily forgetting why she'd been so angry to begin with. “We can't stay mad at each other forever. Forever is a very long time.”

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ф ф Word count: 975
ф ф Mood: Zzz.
ф ф Outfit: Naked now.
ф ф Lyrics / Quote: Falling Away With You, Muse
ф ф Illustrations: Included in post.
ф ф Comment / Informational links: Also included in post.

[Helena Rahal]

'Cause you are the piece of me
I wish I didn't need.
Chasing relentlessly,
Still fight and I don't know why

If there was an autopilot feature for the body, then Helena had pushed it repeatedly until she had become numb to her own movements. The world around her blurred as if she was watching a time lapse video, no words spoken from her soft lips, only the body doing as the mild functioning brain gave direction to. Her mind, a fortress of solitude to where she could withdraw to whenever the hectic nature of her life and all the complexities it brought, was her sanctuary.

It was where she remained through the entirety of the drive and flight, the nights events playing over and over through her head. Her emotions boiled and simmered as it rolled on, over and over again, trying to make sense of it all. Felicia had... and that asshole was there... why did it even matter? Absentmindedly she was gripping relentlessly on the stress ball that she had pulled from her purse, nearly to the bursting point.

What was it that was making her feel so angry though, why was she so upset? Jealousy? No, not exactly, jealousy was brushed aside as easily as it washed upon her, it was not something she held onto. Felicia knew that Helena did not like her affairs but tolerated them, to a point... was that the solution then? Had this been the point where the line had been crossed, where the threshold for the bullshit had finally been overwhelmed?

No... there was something more here, and Helena knew exactly what it was, not that Felicia would buy it. Felicia was so freaking brash and never thought more than five minutes ahead of time, her impulses were her drive. Where Helena was the constant and steady stream, ever flowing in tranquility, Felicia was the raging rapids that gave you a thrill but threatened to send you back bloodied and broken.

"You are so vexing." Helena dismissed Felicia's forever comment and gestured away from her. Helena also wondered if there was somewhere in the world that Khalidah didn't have some sort of sprawling mansion or connections to one, finding the Florida estate even more luxurious than the one in Vegas. Ma... the person who more or less kidnapped them and sent them on this damn "retreat" to sort out their issues.

"What the hell where you thinking, inviting random strangers into our home with the kids about? Fuck your stupid affairs, you could have put our children at risk. You don't know who those people are and yet you are always inviting them over for a bang, just to get your rocks off. Damn woman, and you wonder why I get so upset and angry."

The twins, luckily, had not been injured or even come in contact with whatever his face, but just the idea that Felicia so callously invited strangers into the home. Their home, their bed, without so much as a second thought, without asking her if it was alright. Felicia was bad at romance, bad at staying faithful, but Helena thought she at least had some sense of at least decency to her lovers... some motherly instinct not to put her children in danger.

"Are you so a slave to your impulses and desires you can't see the dangers of acting on them or do you just not care?"

[Felicia Soler]

Fast train
Where do your passengers wait?
What's at the heart
Of your engine's rage?
To what smooth place at the end of the line
With crackling fires and quiet plains?
Do the trees bend down, fold their limbs 'round you?
Welcome home faithful one, we forgive you

Manalapan, Florida
1500 Ocean Drive

"You are so vexing."

Felicia rolled her eyes. “I'm the least vexing person on the face of the earth. I'm completely transparent.” She had very few motives in life; protect what was hers, and take what she wanted when she wanted it.

Helena obviously disagreed with her and waved her hand dismissively, which elicited an exasperated sigh from her wife. “So what's your fucking problem with me this time around?” She knew that an argument was imminent and didn't bother bracing herself for it. They went through the same thing every time she had a wandering eye, even when whatever lusty endeavors she had in mind didn't come to fruition.

After a tense pause, Mount St. Helena erupted. "What the hell where you thinking, inviting random strangers into our home with the kids about? Fuck your stupid affairs, you could have put our children at risk. You don't know who those people are and yet you are always inviting them over for a bang, just to get your rocks off. Damn woman, and you wonder why I get so upset and angry."

Oh my God, it was like she thought that Felicia had whisked Jason away to the nursery and fucked him in one of their child's cribs. “If I thought I'd be putting our children in danger, I wouldn't have done it. I haven't survived for seven centuries by being a complete idiot. Fuck's sake.” She closed her eyes and ducked her head under the warm water if just to escape from her wife's nagging for half a minute. When she resurfaced, she added, “And before you flip your shit again, here's a little FYI. We weren't even fucking. Last I checked, penises can't penetrate through several layers of clothing and a closed zipper.” It wasn't much consolation, but still.

“I mean, I don't know what you want me to do. Ask your permission to have a fling here and there? Because I'm 90% sure how well that would go over. 'Oh, hey, I just met a complete stranger in Ma's chatroom who fancies a fuckdate. Do you mind?'” That would go over like a lead balloon. God, even right now with how pissed off she was, she just wanted to fuck it out with Helena and forget about it and move on, but no, Helena had to go and complicate things and bring up the children and emotions and her feelings.

"Are you so a slave to your impulses and desires you can't see the dangers of acting on them or do you just not care?"

“I can see the dangers of acting on them, yes. But I'm generally a good judge of character, and our children have never been in any danger when I've been off having a romp, and if I felt like I was putting them in imminent danger or that they were being threatened, I'd just eliminate the threat and go throw the body on the burn pile in the backyard.” Helena always acted like she was inviting serial killers or crazy psychos into their home on an hourly basis or something. “And since I do care, because it would make you feel more comfortable, next time I'll come to you and ask. I might even be willing to let you get involved. God knows if you ventured out and expanded your horizons a bit, you'd be a a lot less uptight about this shit.”

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ф ф Word count:
ф ф Mood: Zzz.
ф ф Outfit: Naked now.
ф ф Lyrics / Quote: Blacklisted, Neko Case
ф ф Illustrations: None.
ф ф Comment / Informational links: None.

[Helena Rahal]

If our love is tragedy
Why are you my remedy?
If our love is insanity
Why are you my clarity?

Exploring horizons was for people who weren't trying to save the world. Goddess, where had the time gone, months, nearly a full blown year since the discovery of the first part of Lillith's machinations. Helena wondered if she still would have tried to help in solving all of the forthcoming maladies had she known it would have sucked away all her time and taken her to the top of the Company. If she had known that it was going to cost the life of her friend and the elevated status of the triumphant few...

When did the world get so blurry... how could she have been aligned with people she now held no faith in? Dakari and Lucius... the attempts that Dakari had made on her life and the fact that Mr. Kilvayne seemed... too much the would be hero, all too ready to step into the mantle of the President. Those two, she would only trust them as far as she could throw them...

What of the others though, the rest of the Johessman clan, of Mr. Moynahan, of Gabriel Constant, of Miss Morrison? Was she becoming paranoid, seeing potential enemies and scenarios where anyone and everyone could be an enemy? What of her wife, where did Felicia fit into all of this, where did she want to fit? Helena had never gotten around to asking her just where Felicia's feelings were when it came to the New World Order, but Felicia seldom gave answers to those sort of inquiries.

With an exasperated sigh, Helena peeled away at her layers of dress until she stood naked, and slipped her way into the tub. She let the water rise above her slowly, past her ankles and kneecaps, past her hips and chest, until and it came to her chin, before she blew some bubbles. "You are vexing to me." Helena said softly before plunging her head backwards into the tub and letting the water completely rush over her.

She sat still for a few seconds, submerged in the warm embrace of the hot tub, her eyes open staring into the sky that loomed above. The clouds were dancing about, no sign of rain anywhere, just dancing puffy clouds on a day that would have been serene if not for the fact that they had come here under such poor circumstances.

Pulling herself up from the water, she shook her head to and fro, her hair performing a dance around her, sending droplets soaring. Wiping away the water from her eyes, she stared at Felicia with wonder, perplexed at how they were still together, at how the world worked.

"Don't, we both know that will end... poorly." Approving Felicia's wanton desires... she was right the first time, that would go over as well as having a hole in her head.

For a split second, she wondered just why Felicia stuck around, why the woman even loved her, as it seemed like Helena was everything that Felicia didn't find attractive...

"I can't afford to expand my horizons, I've been charged with the admirable and impossible goal of making the world safe and a better place." With a sigh, Helena let herself fall back into the water once more, eyes searching out into the wild blue yonder...

[Felicia Soler]

An old man in the corner sang
Where the water lilies grow
And on the jukebox Johnny sang
About a thing called love
And it's how are you kid and what's your name
And how would you bloody know?

Manalapan, Florida
1500 Ocean Drive

Felicia watched in rapt attention as Helena discarded her clothing, piece by piece. God, she had no idea how beautiful she was. She swam up to her in the large bath and gently touched her shoulder before she went under to wet her hair. When she surfaced again, Felicia gave her a soft smile. "You are vexing to me."

“Why am I so vexing to you? Everyone else seems to understand me just fine.” Her moods were capricious and changed as quickly as the wind. Perhaps that was why Helena always thought of her as such an enigma. Emotions swept over her and left as quickly as they appeared. Sure, there were some emotions she held onto longer than others, but she didn't see the point in jealousy and anger. Those were just a waste of energy.

When she suggested asking Helena for her permission to look outside their marriage to satisfy her carnal desires, Helena rolled her eyes. "Don't, we both know that will end... poorly."

Felicia nodded. “Which is exactly why I just need you to trust me. That's all I'm asking. I'm not an idiot, Helena, especially when it comes to my family. If I were, I would've been killed a long time ago.” One thing she'd learned over the centuries was how to be like a chameleon. She was completely at home in any situation, and could change at will to fit any circumstance. “What I need you to do is stop stressing out about what I do, and trust in my judgement, regardless of whether or not you agree with it. I hate quoting Dr. Phil, but this ain't my first rodeo.”

She sat down next to Helena on one of the steps, then moved so that she was sitting in Helena's lap, close enough to appreciate the caring touch her wife offered. "I can't afford to expand my horizons, I've been charged with the admirable and impossible goal of making the world safe and a better place." Just to shut her up, Felicia pressed their lips together in a kiss and followed it with a light smack to Helena's cheek.

“You really need to learn how to forget the fucking world sometimes and focus on your own universe.” Helena was so wrapped up in ensuring the continuing success of the Company that she sometimes forgot the world right in front of her face. “What's going on right now in the world is not under your control, and I know how much that bothers you. That's probably the reason why you get so irritated with me from time to time.” She stroked Helena's arms and rested her head on her shoulder. “You have to treat both of us like fire. Sometimes we can't be controlled and we need to burn ourselves out so that new life can grow from the ashes.”

Of course telling her that and getting her to believe it were two totally different things. But Helena was still young and hadn't had as much of a chance to fully experience the world as she had. Kingdoms rose and fell, empires came and went. These were things that could not be controlled, and those who sought to control them usually ended up dead. The key to controlling change was to realise that control was an illusion, and that was a universal truth.

“Some of the world's most beautiful and fruitful forests would never have been created if all the fires were contained and controlled. Nature has a reason for doing everything, and humans would be wise to start listening to it again.”

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ф ф Word count: 735
ф ф Mood: Damn work. I have to go be an adult.
ф ф Outfit: Naked now.
ф ф Lyrics / Quote: A Pair of Brown Eyes, The Pogues
ф ф Illustrations: None.
ф ф Comment / Informational links: None.

[Helena Rahal]

I'll make the move and face the mistakes
Brought forth from the teenage dreams of yesteryear.
I'll depend you so long as I can say
That I am sorry

Helena blew a raspberry as Felicia asked that Helena trust her. Trust, did she really trust anyone, even herself, these days or was it all an illusion she played to tried to get through the day? Perhaps there was more to needing this break than just trying to fix the rift between herself and Felicia. The weight of the world, the guilt of surviving... it had snuck its way into Helena and began to drag her down...

However the taste of Felicia's lips on her own was enough of a temptation to break any sulking that she held. Even if it was brief in its length, it was the spark of a fire that kept her own kindle going. Although the advice that came after was definitely a difficult to pill to swallow. How to stand still, stand by idly as the flames consumed the world around them, even if it was the flames of a phoenix preparing for its rebirth? To not make a move, to not try and stop those flames, it would feel like a failure...

"The phoenix is cruel in its flames and fire." Was there too much care in her heart, too much want to try and control the outcome? Was it too much to hope that she could provide a good outcome for everyone, to actually make the world better? No... she could... but maybe Felicia was onto something, with going with the tide rather than fighting against it. If nature had a course, what was her right as one woman to say that nature had it wrong? Nature had given her the power of the gods...

Helena gently stroked Felicia's hair and tried to just concentrate on the feel of their bodies together. It had been a long, winding road here... it was difficult, complicated, all very surreal. "How can I trust nature, how can I trust anyone, when I barely trust myself? My emotions and confidence roller coaster so much, and I am starting to think I am a bit paranoid." Was it like love, where you needed to love yourself before anyone else can? Why was she stuck with all these insecurities and damn roller coaster emotions?

"How are you so confident and so full of vigor all the time. I second guess myself all the time, even if I accept the consequences of the actions I take. I still find myself what I could have done different..." Could she have saved Reggie, could she have saved Sparrow, could she have saved them all had she merely detected the abnormalities in the initial calamities?

"How do I let go?"

[Felicia Soler]

Que Sera, Sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que Sera, Que Sera, Que Sera, Que Sera

Manalapan, Florida
1500 Ocean Drive

"The phoenix is cruel in its flames and fire."

“Keep talking like that and it will be.” Felicia was a firm believer in self-fulfilling prophecies. If someone wanted something to happen bad enough, or thought that something was going to happen a certain way, they usually found a way to make it so. “Change is only as bad as you make it.” Certain people coped with it better than others. Helena was so grounded that getting her to change was like trying to move a mountain. Life would be so much easier if she'd just learn to roll with the punches instead of trying to plan out the entire fight.

She pressed her cheek into the palm of Helena's hand as she spoke. "How can I trust nature, how can I trust anyone, when I barely trust myself? My emotions and confidence roller coaster so much, and I am starting to think I am a bit paranoid."

Felicia chuckled. “You're only just now figuring that out?” That was something she'd had pegged about Helena from day one. Normally she didn't fall for the control freaks who had to have everything lined up just so and who planned their day down to the minute, but she was willing to make an exception for Helena—but only because she loved her so much. Anyone else she would have kicked out of her life ages ago. The more someone attempted to control her, the more unrestrained and rebellious she became; not because she wasn't getting her way, but because she didn't like the sensation of being confined.

"How are you so confident and so full of vigor all the time? I second guess myself all the time, even if I accept the consequences of the actions I take. I still find myself what I could have done different..." Helena paused. "How do I let go?"

“That's the difference between the two of us. I've completely eliminated the phrases 'could have' and 'should have' from my vocabulary. Sure, you could always do things differently, since hindsight is 20/20, but why focus on the road behind you when there's a giant pothole in front of you that you're going to miss?” Maybe it was because she was immortal. Maybe it was because she didn't have the emotional capacity to contemplate things as deeply as her wife did. But she really didn't see the need to constantly keep looking to her past to ponder what she could have done differently. She could have died several times in the past—but she hadn't. So what was the point in worrying? It was a complete waste of energy. “Letting go is the hard part since you like to hold onto things so tightly that you break them. I don't know why you don't trust yourself, but you should. I trust you. If I didn't trust you, I wouldn't have had children with you.”

Nothing she could say would ever get Helena to see the truth. The truth was something that Helena would have to figure out on her own. “Whatever happens, happens, and you just need to learn to be okay with that and know that I'll be with you every step of the way.”

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ф ф Word count: 644
ф ф Mood: Sleeeeeep.
ф ф Outfit: Naked now.
ф ф Lyrics / Quote: Que Sera Sera, Natalie Cole
ф ф Illustrations: None.
ф ф Comment / Informational links: None.

[Helena Rahal]

Hold still as we crash
Cause we both know how this ends.
A clock ticks until it breaks your glass
And I drown in you again

Helena could see the wisdom in Felicia's words but there was something in her that wanted to rebel against it. What was it, why did she feel the need to try and stem the tide of change? Change could become something blissful and wonderful just as easy as it could have been disastrous, why was she afraid? Was it the unknown that put sparks to her flame to rebel against winds of change or was it the lack of control? Perhaps neither or maybe it was both, Helena couldn't begin to guess...

Helena rolled her eyes as Felicia made fun of her realizing that there was a part of her that was paranoid, scared, and needing order in her life. Order and chaos, it was one of the yin and yang complexities, everyone and everything needed a little bit of both. Where was the line though, at what point was there a balance and not a tipping towards one end of the scale at the expense of the other?

Moreover, why did Helena feel the need to take in the world's problems onto her shoulders, to try and play the fixer? When she let her hair down and did things that suited her needs and goals, the world seemed so much simpler and more enjoyable. Spending the holidays in Jamaica before the whole unfortunate series of event that lead to the revelation of Lillith had seen a different side of Helena. That was a fun loving woman who didn't care about the world's problems and was only out to take care of herself and loved ones. Helena wanted to be more that woman and less this paranoid, responsible mess...

Idly dipping her fingers into the water, she listened as Felicia spoke more on about the differences between them and how hard it was to cut the cord. What mortal strings bound her to the burdens that brought forth the contemplations and the designs of would have, could have, and should haves. All of them were seemingly disconnected from Felicia, having had centuries of practice to let the world be and be herself. It all sounded seemingly so simple, as simple as it was that Helena had taken a handful of the water into palm and began to transmutate it. The process had produced steam and given her right hand some burns...

However she pulled her hand out of the steaming water, turning her palm upside, uncurling her fingers to reveal a fistful of diamonds. "The world is mine to craft if I want to, it's so easy." Did she want to craft the world though, even though she had told Gabriel and Avian that she wanted to make a better world? Helena didn't know, her own heart not telling her the direction of her desires.

"The fires of change burn... yet the burns heal and there is a renewal in the hope of something new." Helena said in a whisper, more to herself than to Felicia, looking at how her powers had passively began to already heal the burns the previous use had produced. Was this what Felicia meant, that change came and you had to learn to accept it and move forward?

"Whatever happens, happens... I must simply roll with the tide."

[Felicia Soler]

Standing high above the crawling wasted world,
Another day goes by and still we carry on.
Run another stretch of world that knows no end,
Watch the fires burn beneath the blackest sky.

Helena could very easily put the Old Spice Guy out of business with her ability to produce diamonds out of thin air. Or water. Why did she have to have such an awesome ability? Then again, being able to give herself extra body parts and regrow them once they'd been chopped off was pretty cool, too.

"The world is mine to craft if I want to, it's so easy."

“Yeah, the physical world is one thing. Changing people's minds isn't something you can do unless you're a telepath or someone who has the power of suggestion.” It was like in the movie Inception. Why didn't they just tell the weird English dude that his father loved him? Why did they have to go to all the trouble of going to a dream within a dream within a dream to put a fucking pinwheel in a cupboard next to his dad's deathbed? The fuck was the point of that? Changing people's minds was sometimes hard to do but it wasn't that hard.

Helena thought that all the world's problems were her own since that was just a part of who she was. Felicia had learned a long time ago that 99.9% of the world didn't give a shit about her or anyone else, and therefore 99.9% of the world could fuck off. But Helena cared about all of them, which she thought was a total waste of energy. “And you only think that you need to craft the world since you're the head of the Company now—which is great, don't get me wrong—but you need to know your limits.” Limits were made to be broken, but Helena already knew that.

"The fires of change burn... yet the burns heal and there is a renewal in the hope of something new." Felicia watched as the burns caused by the scalding water began to heal, restoring her skin to its former flawless complexion. "Whatever happens, happens... I must simply roll with the tide."

“You have to do it for yourself, though. Don't do it because I'm telling you to or because you think the world would be a better place or any of that altruistic bullshit.” Being altruistic was over-rated since no one really cared anyway. God, she was such a pessimist sometimes, but it was the truth. So she fed some homeless person on the street. Whee. That didn't make her better than anyone else; it just made her a good person. Doing good deeds only took someone so far, though. Doing too many good deeds made people think that you were a pushover. “Anyway, I'm bored talking about this now. Let's talk about something else that doesn't make me want to drown myself. Or we don't have to talk at all.”

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ф ф Word count: 577
ф ф Mood: Think I'm starting to get sick.
ф ф Outfit: None.
ф ф Lyrics / Quote: A Dying World, Bella Morte
ф ф Illustrations: None.
ф ф Comment / Informational links: My teeth hurt. ):<

[Helena Rahal]

If you push
Then I'll pull too deep
And fall right back into you

Helena blew a raspberry into the water, causing bubbles to rise and pop with every dribble of her lips together. Her thoughts and emotions were all over the place, from the highest perches and most ambitious designs, to the lowest of breaches and the pits of despair. Why was the roller coaster of emotion at such steep inclines and full of all of its annoyances that left her more confused the more she tried to sort everything out. All the power in the world, both in regards to her own abilities and political pull, and she couldn't sort her own self out. Some leader she was going to be.

There was as many retorts, small as they were, to all of Felicia's antics, but they were better left unspoken. She knew telepaths and empaths, she knew her limits and how to exceed them, but it was pointless to try and rebuke Felicia. It would just go to drive more of a wedge between the two which was completely contrary to their apparent reason for being here. Funny how that had turned into this.

"I need to do something, I am tired of being pulled in a million directions. What's so wrong if I do that something because you gave me a little push, if it gets me to where I need to be?" Was her heart too open, was her want to do right her own obstacle, the cause of her madness? Such a burden it seemed to be to be able to relate to everyone's positions, even as insignificant or as averse to her own they might be. Was the insight into how others felt and thought really worth such that price, when it seemed to strain her relationships, when she didn't really know what it was she stood for at the end of the day?

Helena pursed her lips as Felicia gave the very clear indication that that particular line of conversation was at its end. Helena was fine to let it go, for the time being, there was only so much others could do to help her keep her center. Felicia was right about one thing, Helena needed to be able to do things for herself, to rely on herself, even though she had a support system. Too often she used them as crutches instead of testing her own true abilities.

"Talking has... never been your strong suit." Helena trace a finger up Felicia's wrist to her elbow and up to her shoulder, before playfully poking her in the cheek. "Although they say actions speak louder than words and you certainly have been known to... act." Helena leaned in and pecked Felicia on the cheek she had just poked. "And when to hold back such actions and let the craziness just fizzle itself out. For that, I thank you." In an instant, the playfulness in Helena's eyes had been replaced by a deeper, more contemplative and appreciative look.

"I probably don't say it enough, but thank you... and I love you."